— Shared 4 hours ago - 18,613 notes - via / Source - reblog

bruceykinns:

daunt:

Always my favorite because the “External inertial dampener” IS A SPACE VERSION OF A FUCKING PARKING BREAK.

GDI PIKE these young fresh academy kids do not get your awesome jokes.

from the original script:


— Shared 4 hours ago - 177,203 notes - via / Source - reblog

tino-oxenstierna:

I LITERALLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND PEOPLE WHO DONT SAY THANK YOU TO PEOPLE WHO HOLD THE DOOR LIKE THAT PERSON WASTED A FEW SECONDS OF THEIR LIFE FOR YOU THAT THEY WIILL NEVER GET BACK THEY PROBABLY COULDVE DRANK A FEW MORE SIPS OF THEIR FAVORITE DRINK, READ A FEW MORE LINES OF THEIR FAVORITE BOOK, HAD A FEW MORE GOOD WORDS WITH THEIR BEST FRIEND AND THEY WASTED THOSE SECONDS ON YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT NEXT TIME SOMEONE HOLDS THE DOOR SAY THANK YOU I AM SO MAD


— Shared 4 hours ago - 324,528 notes - via / Source - reblog

dontbeanassbutt:

moc-tod-ffuts-modnar:

iamtonysexual:

sherlock-mania:

remember-pants-terezi:

heyxkids:

YOU CANT CHANGE THE VOLUME OF THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD

FUCKING TRY I DARE YOU

ITS IMPOSSIBLE AND ITS REALLY FUCKING WITH MY MIND SOMEONE HUG ME

I CAN MAKE IT SCREAM WITHOUT GETTING LOUDER

H E L P

Holy shit whispering is the same volume as shouting as loud as I can

what have you done

We think in concepts

Concepts have no volume

Because a thought is the loudest silence of all.

whoa there socrates


— Shared 4 hours ago - 113,728 notes - via / Source - reblog

lggyzalea:

when you’re out with your friends and someone really hot walks by 

image


— Shared 6 hours ago - 49,942 notes - via / Source - reblog
  • DC: Wonder Woman is too difficult to find a movie audience for-
  • Marvel: YO YOU LIKE BLACK WIDOW? HERE SHE IS IN THE NEXT CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND MAJOR ASSKICKING SKILLS
  • DC: We can't allow the lesbians in Batwoman to get married in the comic, sorry.
  • Marvel: HEY GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA FEATURE A GAY WEDDING ON THE COVER OF AN X-MEN ISSUE
  • DC: The new direction for storytelling needs to be dark, gritty, mature and cynical.
  • Marvel: DUDE CHECK IT OUT LOKI GOES SPEED DATING IS THAT NOT THE BEST SHIT EVER
  • DC: After years of rumors, the Superman/Batman movie is finally coming, but with a new actor and suit for Batman and MAYBE a cameo from Wonder Woman.
  • Marvel: PHASE 2 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERYONE IS IN EVERYONE'S MOVIE AND THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN US NOW
  • DC: We can try to add maybe one or two 'people of color' to our lineup...maybe...
  • Marvel: NEW MS MARVEL THAT'S MUSLIM AMERICAN, BITCHES.
  • DC: We feel no problem with Batman's vengeful personality being like wet cardboard.
  • Marvel: NEW LATINA GHOST RIDER WHO SEEKS VENGEANCE WHILE TAKING HIS AWEET LIL BRO FOR ICE CREAM
  • DC: We can't mention any superhero titles in our movies, that's ridiculous.
  • Marvel: FUCK YEAH YOU WANT A RACOON VOICED BY BRADLEY COOPER WITH A GIANT GUN? YOU WANT VIN DIESEL PLAYING A TREE? AMY FUCKING POND PLAYING A SEXY BALD SPACE PIRATE? HERE YOU FUCKERS GO
  • DC: Our fanbase is mostly white males, I'm sure our focus is-
  • Marvel: NEW SHE HULK LINE WHERE SHE GOES TO COURT THEN SAVES NEW YORK
  • DC: Wait-
  • Marvel: NEW FEMALE THOR
  • DC: I didn't-
  • Marvel: NEW BLACK CAPTAIN AMERICA
  • Marvel: TAKE ALL THIS COOL SHIT MARVEL BE OUTIE
  • Marvel: PEACE

— Shared 6 hours ago - 509,009 notes - via / Source - reblog

artisjustfrozenmusic:

feralblonde:

thecorinediaries:

prewetts:

jordanleeemerson:

secretgaygent:

rnints:

imagine if girls used the same style of joke to degrade men like “cool story bro now go chop some lumber”

GO CHOP SOME LUMBER

"what r u doing out of the garage go fix my car"

"Don’t you have something to fix somewhere."

get some duct tape & fix that attitude

Don’t you have some jars you could be opening?


— Shared 6 hours ago - 138,673 notes - via / Source - reblog

i-wanna-be-a-klaine-ship-ranger:

prufrocking:

thegestianpoet:

and let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that michaelangelo had probably never seen a girl naked and when he want to sculpt or paint them his mentality seems to be “wow, everyone likes women….they must be like…..buff dudes. i love buff dudes. women are buff dudes but with little chest lumps and no wiener”

image“nailed it.”

image

image

image

And my personal favorite, Adam and Eve

image

he literally painted adam and steve


— Shared 6 hours ago - 333,514 notes - via / Source - reblog

juli-the-human:

shubbabang:

you know that thing where you scrunch up your arms and it looks like you have only hands well this one time when i was little i kept it up for 3 days no matter where i was

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

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one time i also pissed off my entire family for 3 days

the last picture i cANT BREATHE


— Shared 6 hours ago - 98,997 notes - via / Source - reblog

stoleyogirl:

is he ok


— Shared 6 hours ago - 70,590 notes - via / Source - reblog

nerdy-whovian:

bioterrors:

an angel girl whose girlfriend is a demon and at first they don’t want anybody to know but then god is like “my child do not worry about it it’s , as the kids are saying these days, “what ever”’ but satan is like “do I know this girl. let me meet her. is she a bad influence?” “dad she’s an angel” “damn I was really hoping she would be a bad influence”


— Shared 6 hours ago - 64,661 notes - via / Source - reblog

mishaesque:

my favourite legend from the norse mythology is when a giant steals mjolnir and says he’ll give it back if he can have Freyja as his bride, but she refuses to go so instead Thor dresses up as her and Loki as her handmaiden and then at the wedding the giant places mjolnir in his bride’s (thor) lap and thor reveals himself and kills everybody and if that shouldn’t be made a short film with I don’t know what should


— Shared 6 hours ago - 233,614 notes - via / Source - reblog
awkward-fallen-angel:

rustboro-city:

hailhydrangeas:

visual-hana:

comment from a person on youtube whose name i don’t remember.

this is how you make “gay jokes” folks

having two parents of any gender would suck because when u need one of them you’d be like “mom” and the wrong one will reply and you have to go “not you the OTHER one” and thats why if i marry a girl and we have kids she can be mom and i will be optimus prime

optimus prime

awkward-fallen-angel:

rustboro-city:

hailhydrangeas:

visual-hana:

comment from a person on youtube whose name i don’t remember.

this is how you make “gay jokes” folks

having two parents of any gender would suck because when u need one of them you’d be like “mom” and the wrong one will reply and you have to go “not you the OTHER one” and thats why if i marry a girl and we have kids she can be mom and i will be optimus prime

optimus prime


— Shared 6 hours ago - 88,087 notes - via / Source - reblog

x-file:

catazoid:

As promised, here are some pictures of Lyalya’s first walk outside! Look at the bushy little squirrel tail :D the sandpit was her favorite spot! She was extremely excited and threw sand all over the place

this is a fucking squirrel. this is a fucking squirrel with a cat’s head. who is responsible for this


— Shared 6 hours ago - 1,940 notes - via / Source - reblog

— Shared 6 hours ago - 322,440 notes - via / Source - reblog
alarmingpenguin:

send this to your crush without any context

alarmingpenguin:

send this to your crush without any context